


i laughed so i wouldn't cry

by bloom_bloom



Category: TXT (Korea Band)
Genre: Abusive Relationships, Hurt/Comfort, I'm Sorry, M/M, Sad with a Happy Ending
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-08-10
Updated: 2019-08-10
Packaged: 2020-08-14 13:57:09
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 949
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20193400
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bloom_bloom/pseuds/bloom_bloom
Summary: soobin has trouble leaving his abusive partner.luckily yeonjun is there to comfort and love him as he works to leave beomgyu.





	i laughed so i wouldn't cry

**Author's Note:**

> so this is kind of a vent fic.  
i'm so sorry soobin, you're such an angel.  
i don't know if i'm happy with how this turned out.  
please don't stop yourself from commenting.  
comments always make me happy.  
sorry for any mistakes i wrote this quite quickly.

He knew that he was lying to himself, that this wasn’t love. That if he loved himself he would have found a way out of this relationship that was harming him. But he lied to himself and continued to. He knew that anger from a person that cared about you wouldn’t turn into hair pulling and slaps across the face. But he told himself that he deserved it, he must’ve done something wrong to make the person that he so deeply cared about snap like this. He just somehow kept making him snap.

He couldn’t drown in his feelings as that would upset his lover. He couldn’t be mad at them as that would make them turn and hate him instead. He would have to be as happy as he could in their presence. He should never say anything boring as it made his lover look at him with a look that just broke him. He didn’t want to bore them with an unentertaining story. His lover said ‘Yeah, just lie. When you lie it isn’t boring.’ But Soobin didn’t want to lie, especially not to Beomgyu. He didn’t feel good about having act like a different person when he was around Beomgyu. He wanted to be able to relax and be himself around someone he loved so much.

Soobin would start to turn to the other members when he needed comfort. Yeonjun always listened to him. He would never hit him or tangle his fingers in his hair while waiting to yank and pull. He always left gentle rubs against his back and massage his sore scalp. He always felt so warm and loved when being held by the older. And he could never hold in his sobs when he felt so much love from the older. He never got used to the overwhelming pain in his heart when he felt so loved by him. 

Yeonjun would always tell him to stop lying to himself and that he would help him end it. But that scared him, he didn’t know what Beomgyu would do. He would throw Soobin’s head into the wall when he found out that he spent another night cuddling with Yeonjun. It always hurt just thinking about it. He would then turn to him and say, ‘why do you hate me’, looking as if he was the one who had the right to be hurt. He was trying to make him feel guilty, make him feel at fault. How could he not know that Soobin already thought it was his fault. That he thought he really did need to change to be worthy of love.

-

It was today that he couldn’t be bothered with not showing his anger. It's been the fifth time he’s been slapped across the face today so he shut his mouth and walked away. He wasn’t going to go back to the practice room until Beomgyu left. He didn’t want to look at him, be in the same room as him, or fall asleep in the same dorm as him. He was so upset, he was crying while walking down the hallway and into the van. He didn’t want to go back. He never wanted to look at Beomgyu again. So he pulled his knees to his chest and sobbed in the empty van. 

He waited until Yeonjun would come into the van and hug him while he sobbed. He really didn’t want to be alone right now. He was so afraid that Beomgyu would go after him instead. Once he saw the older enter the van he broke down all over again. It felt so unbelievably nice to get a warm hug, to be comforted while breaking down. The drowsiness from tears was something he was thankful for. He wouldn’t have to be awake while driving back to the dorms with Beomgyu in the van. 

-

Soobin was already wrapped up in a blanket next to Yeonjun while watching a movie before bed when he felt his phone vibrate. ‘I’m so sorry. I should’ve never done any of that. I’m sorry, I feel like the worst person ever. I love you, you know that right.’ He wouldn’t respond. Why should he? But after thinking about it for a while he wanted to be the bigger person. He would let this all go, even though he really couldn’t. He would never be able to forget any of this. But he wanted to act like he could forgive him even if he didn’t really mean it. So he answered, ‘It’s alright, I forgive you. All of this is over anyways. I just don’t want to talk to you unless I need to. I don’t want this group to fail because of what you did.’ 

He felt relieved to finally end it with Beomgyu. He never had the right to hurt Soobin in any way. He wasn’t happy that he still had to see this person every day but he wouldn’t let his members or his dream be ruined. He could finally fall asleep against Yeonjun without fearing the consequences of tomorrow. 

-

The days never really got easier. He still flinched under his touch during dance practices and felt stupid and incompetent under his gaze. But he did feel free even though he still had fears of fully being himself. 

He was so thankful to have Yeonjun by his side. He never knew kisses could hold so much love. He never knew how loving hands, words, and gazes should be when you're loved and cared for. Goodnight kisses from him always left him giggling and blushed over. He never knew he could be so happy and content with a person he loved so much.


End file.
